The fallacy of the current value system that we’ve imposed on to everything in this world – including ourselves- has unfortunately tainted the aspects that must be covered as part of the physical aspect of every human being’s life. Sex is part of this and it should be equally regarded to the basic physical functions like eating, shitting and breathing. When humanity began creating/ generating some secrecy around sexuality, an entire industry based on selling the ultimate taboo was set in motion, specifically targeting the inherent necessity to fulfill this need and transforming sex into a lucrative machine feeding off people’s desires = we ended up becoming part of the business as well, not only through buying into such ideals but through judging/ valuing ourselves as part of the same assets to trade.
We’re constantly being shown images of how we must look, therefore what we need to buy in order to obtain the ultimate sense of ‘belonging’ in this world to eventually engage in relationships – because that’s in essence the ultimate purpose of the entire image-based mechanism of this society. This makes it almost inevitable to get sucked into the same capitalist game of buying our confidence to the best dealer that ‘suits our needs,’ which by the way are not real but only created for the sake of getting us to buy an entire personality as the image and idea of ourselves which can be for sale to others as something appealing and fuckable. (Desirable)
Due to making of sex just another industry, we’ve integrated the monetary principle as the qualification of ‘who we are,’ which can get to affect someone deep enough to allow them to feel inadequate when it comes to engaging in sexual activities. The point that’s often missed is that regular sexual activity has nothing to do with how much money you have in your pocket, nor with any of the images we’re usually fed through ads, media or any religious dogma that could condemn sexuality, not realizing it is part of the basic requirements within the physical human nature.
Sex must be equated to an organic function rather than any other game of selling each other to the best bidder and satisfying one’s ego through ideas of possessing each other within a sexual encounter.
Sex begins with Self
Within this system, we’re not taught how to become aware of our physical body from the physical aspect of it as a form of developing an early awareness/ education on sexuality. Instead more taboos and veils are placed upon sex, disregarding the fact that it does determine a very important aspect in every human’s living experience. We must reform the educational system to consider integrating sexuality as essential to generate an integral human that is well aware of the basic living-functionalities and how to direct them in absolute self responsibility. Since this doesn’t exist, we’re facing the consequences with major over population and high rates of teenage pregnancy, as well as rapes and any other form of acts that are directly linked to the deficiency in teaching and sharing what sex is about and how it must be directed within our reality.
Sexuality and its exploration shouldn’t be married to the ideals projected as the clichés of ‘perfect relationships’ or ‘marriage,’ which are the usual scenarios wherein people consider that responsibility and ‘serious engagement’ in sexual activities can only exist. What happens then is that kids/ teens get absolutely no support in terms of how to deal with the curiosity for sexual exploration, without having established within themselves the basic realization of what it entails to engage in a sexual relationship in the first place. There is no information or support in the educational systems that explain how to deal with the experiences that go emerging as the emotional body begins to develop, making of puberty and early adolescence an even more difficult phase in life wherein we can all remember having gone-through bitter phases and disillusions without making any ‘progress’ within it.
This can be prevented from here on if we start implementing sexual education as part of any curriculum in schools, developing ways for each individual to integrate sexuality as part of the basic understanding of the current physical requirements that must be taken into account when living in this world.
Sex has become an ‘added value’ to ourselves within this business we’ve made out of life. We’ve tacitly agreed that sex is about how you look, how many women/ men you’re able to lure to your bed and how many partners you accumulate as trophies that remind you of all the battles you’ve ‘won.’ We’ve made of it just another ‘win & lose’ situation where there are apparently some more ‘suitable’ to ‘perform’ better than others, based on the ideal that has been imprinted and entirely created by those that provide the necessary guise/gown/gadgets for the ‘well suited’ personality that is set as the ‘appealing model,’ which will generate buyers of such image that supposedly provides them with the sensational experience of embodying the ideal of ‘perfect lover.’
The fact that sex has nothing to do with a personality – or clothes for that matter as one has to take them all off anyways– reveals how we have agreed upon putting up a show for the sake of continuing our image-based society where the most basic and physical considerations of what sexuality should be are disregarded, and often spoiled over mental elations that precede the actual physical encounter of one being engaging in sexual activities with another.
Due to having everyone focusing on the image, feelings/ emotions, the basic aspects that should be considered are rarely even known. The entire idea of ‘fulfilling’ yourself with a sexual partner or just becoming ‘sexually active’ has become one of the standards that teenagers take on in terms of beginning to value and place worth around people according to how ‘successful’ their sex life is. Though, there is no guidance or support provided to clearly express how such steps are walked in someone’s life. This is related to how it often is a matter of peer pressure generated by the same constant impulse of media/ society wherein males and females will go seeking to engage in sexual relationships just to become the ‘new adults’ that are apparently ‘mature enough’ to conduct themselves through sex, wherein they should consider a lot more than ‘what clothes to wear to lure someone into bed,’ such as the actual physical vulnerability that is opened up whenever we share ourselves in such a tangible way with another human being.
We have become factories that produce the same prototypes which are ‘consumable’ and people who don’t see themselves fitting into such models will develop this sense of being ‘out of the game,’ while struggling with their own ‘sexual instincts’ arising and having no one to be able to talk to about it, nor anyone to ‘lure into sex’ as they see themselves as not ‘good enough’ to even step in the line to engage in sexual activities with others. All of this is created as a comparison point to the ‘models’ that we’ve been brainwashed to accept as ‘how it all must be.’ From this frustration, self hatred or any other form of self-diminishing may escalate into further isolation, depression and eventually evolving into other forms of anger/ hatred that could drive the being to have sex through forceful ways such as rape or any other violent forms to satisfy such physical need.
There is no doubt that we’re living in the Hollywood ideals of what sexuality should be, and within this we’ve blinded ourselves into believing that sex is always this perfect and flawless experience wherein both parties are absolutely satisfied and live a life of plenitude and ‘love’ as the sticky substance that keeps the entire story rolling until the movie ends. It has always been a movie, it is like someone’s idea of what reality should be – yet for some odd reason, we have allowed ourselves to want to compare to such ‘perfect’ scenarios where partners step into the most ‘astounding’ sexual experience.
‘Failure to ‘meet the expectations’’ – which were based on the same idealism portrayed in movies – generates dissatisfaction because we have come to believe that such instant gratification happens in the first sexual encounter, which is simply not true. Yet we take it as something personal wherein one believes that ‘there is something wrong with us’ and that we are apparently incapable of experimenting and engaging in proper relationships. Sexuality, just as any other field of human development, is something that must be practiced and established at an individual level first as self-acceptance and general comfort in a physical and mental level in order to later explore relationships for effective physical support to satisfy one’s sexual requirements. This world is in reverse hence we have to walk through the actual practice, necessary education and communication in order to make the process of getting to such self-enjoyment a process that is walked in a comfortable and physically referenced way.
We evaluate ourselves to being either suitable or not comparing ourselves to the socially accepted standards to see ‘where we stand.’ In this, we accept all forms of limitation as real when it’s nothing but judgment that should have no place in our physical expression. According to these ludicrous settings, we create our own self-value = how we value ourselves in the ‘invisible market’ that is underlying within the usual relationships in this world.
Let’s remember that this reality has two great engines: sex and money – sexual insecurity is derived from the belief of not fulfilling the ‘ideals’ required to be part of the ‘sex stock market’ where all partners apparently present similar criteria as ‘objects of desire.’ There are no ‘real values’ considered such as the physical self-acceptance and comfort in one’s skin to be expressive at a physical level with another, which has nothing to do with portraying oneself in a particular way to be liked/ accepted. It is about self acceptance and self value that each individual should establish first within themselves.
We then believe we’re not ‘good enough’ to develop proper relationships, just because we aren’t as ‘perfect’ as the photoshopped picture on the cover of a magazine where a man and a woman are apparently enjoying themselves in a nice set to make believe that they’re having a great time. We end up chewing the fact that such state of being actually exists without realizing that what the creators of such picture really want from you. Nothing like fabricated images to make you spend money and ‘hopefully’ get to be like the people smiling back at you.
With thinking processes like this, we can accept that we’ve been brainwashed wherein we believe that the better picture we present ourselves as = the more confidence we experience as ‘who we are,’ which is then linked to the inevitable association of sexual performance and money, which is the energy that enables everything to move.
Both partners are ultimately seeking to be equally recognized, valued and considered for the effort that they’ve put into image. Nothing else but money that cover the entire process of having any inner discomfort and insecurity toward any perceived ‘lack of fulfillment’ of ideas and expectations within relationships.
The underlying factor within all of this is how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to place value and worth to an image that represents money/ power/ wealth in itself. Within this, we have become our own point of deception whenever we accept and allow ourselves to be only driven by looks and money while not considering how we are actually experiencing ourselves with regards to exploring sexuality as well as our points to work-with in terms of insecurities, judgments, fears, limitations. All of that must be looked-at and corrected to eventually engage in supportive relationships to explore and establish sexuality as part of our day-to-day living.
In an Equal Money System, there will be no more industries that seek to promote such ideas of the human as a product that can be sold to others as a ‘suitable partner.’ We will be out of the entire survival system wherein social reputation or ‘wealth’ will not be a determining factor upon someone as props and preferences in order to establish physical relationships in any way whatsoever. We will have enough time to educate and develop ourselves as self-sufficient individuals first while establishing our own process of discovering sexuality and integrating it as part of our living reality just as anything else that we participate in. Through this and the general measures that will be implemented in terms of sexual education, we can estimate that sexual exploration will be possible without any surreptitious influences that are usually aiming at engaging people into a particular lifestyle portraying an ‘ideal’ of having a successful sex life. There will be no need to put up a show to be ‘chosen’ as a partner due to convenient financial traits.
It’s time to meet reality beyond a system of values where sexuality will simply be part of the physical activity taken on within relationships, developing effective physical support to be able to focus on that which will be required to work upon for the general correction and betterment of everyone’s lives in this reality. Sex must be a gift that we give to each other just as anything else that will be equally given and received according to the principles of equality as life, where the physical is what matters.
Text Edited by Scott Cook
Photos by Marlen Vargas Del Razo
People: Katie Conklin and Cameron Cope